I has been four months now since 'the man' went crazy and left my life. Since that time, my life has been full of chaos, insanity and a newly developed habit of insomnia. Overall, I can say that it has all been positive, but deep down, the act of just getting through the days has been covering up what I have unwillingly discovered as loneliness...
Since 'the man' left, I have been working two jobs to try to pay the bills that he left me behind in, learning to live with my oldest daughter again, dealing with my first time lovestruck son, and puppies, who are now very big, but still not completely housebroken. This is just the big stuff. The jobs haven't brought nearly enough cash in, there are problems with the daughter and her sweetheart, my son was dumped by this weird little girl and the puppies still are not completely housebroken.***sigh*** The last week was full of insomnia, exhaustion and work, work, work. So I basically disappeared into a strict schedule of survival only.
Last night was the end of both of my jobs which are now replace with a new, full-time job that should be able to sustain myself and the household. Last night I was finally able to sleep, but not before one of the biggest crying sessions of my life. I discovered that I was lonely and scared. Yup, me. The tough and mighty, the most tenacious broad many people claim to know was brought low to her knees and found herself in a weeping pile of snot and misery. I am going to chalk it up to total fatigue and temporary insanity, or I will allow it to be part of the healing process, either way, I am stuffed and puffy eyed this morning and determined to move on. I just wish I could figure out what 'moving on' really means and am I supposed to be enjoying the drive?
3 comments:
Wondered where you'd gone ... Sending a big hug now :)
It's been a while since you posted, but it's also apparently been a while since I visited. I hope your new job is going well, that the puppies are housebroken, and that your Beltaine sex was/is fantastic! A bit early, but happy Lughnasadh! I've moved away from sabbats and esbats over the last few years, but all of a sudden I feel totally giddy in anticipation of Lughnasadh...hm! Anyway, take care and I look forward to reading more from you. :-)
Thank you herbangirl for stopping in...yes, it has been awhile since I posted. I am glad you are excited about Lughnasadh, it is one of my personal favorites.
MadSpider-big hug to you as well...hoping your spiritual transformation is still going strong!
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